Politics, religion, dropping a series seven plot twist: all controversial conversations for a first date. But how far below the belt (specifically, your belt) would you let chatter go? Recent research in found that when we think about sex (even without realising we are), we’re more likely to spill personal information to a potential partner.
In one part of the study, participants either watched Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas having sex in the film Original Sin, or they saw a cat video. Those with the sexual stimuli (that kind of pussy) were more likely to reveal a personal event to another participant. ‘Self-disclosing’ – science’s name for TMI – is thought to bring us closer to someone, increasing personal intimacy. And the stronger your sexual interest in them, the more likely you are to get really personal.
But is a sexual confessional the perfect icebreaker or the wrong kind of oral? Here’s what can happen when chemistry gets your tongue on date one… (Note to guys: chemistry should never get your camera phone).
- “I’m bisexual and always used to mention this on date one, mainly because I never thought of it as a big deal. Recently, I had to stop telling men on a first meeting: so often they seemed to hear ‘bisexual’ and translate it as ‘Hell yeah, I’m going to have a threesome’. That’s not quite how it works!” Caroline, 29
- “First date sex chat can be useful if you have a deal-breaker. I don’t really like oral sex – neither giving it nor receiving it – and I once mentioned to a guy, ‘Oh, by the way, I don’t really do such-and-such act.’ He replied, ‘Oh my god, but that's my favourite thing.’ We agreed there and then that we weren’t the right sexual fit and left it. I'm glad I discovered it early on.” Robyn, 29
- “This wasn’t strictly the first date, but the morning after, when the guy called me and started detailing how he had trouble sleeping because he kept thinking of me. Then he recounted his sex dream in explicit, thrust-by-thrust detail as if he were the star of a porno. I didn’t know what to say other than a very awkward, ‘Um… thank you’. We never met again.” Debi, 30
- “From a guy’s point of view, sex chat can be intimidating. I once had a date who asked, ‘Do you want to know why I broke up with my last boyfriend?’ Before I could say no, she continued, “Because he was so big. Massive down there. I’d never seen anything like it.’ She then added that another ex didn’t satisfy her because of his impotence. My main feeling after that was PRESSURE.” Ben, 30
- “Sex chat totally depends on how the first date is going. If you’re clicking from the get-go, it can feel sexy and flirty to joke about sex and each other's sexual habits/experiences. I once had a first date where we discussed threesomes and infidelity and loads of other stuff and it was great. But if the date is already awkward and you suddenly bring up sex, it’s going to get really awkward. If there’s zero chemistry, talking about sex on a first date can make you feel nauseous.” Becca, 26
- “One guy decided to tell me that he was a sex wizard. I’m not sure why – maybe an innuendo about his special wand? I never found out.” Ellie, 29
Have a sex question or topic you'd like to know more about? Gemma would love to hear from you. Email her at [email protected]